How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
