I just saw a hot homeless man
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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