no, he came in my armpit
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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