not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize