and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
