sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize