Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
