Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
