Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
