standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
