you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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