be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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