So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So gin and wine won't be happening again
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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