it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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