i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
