If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
