so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We need to rekindle our bromance
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
