dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
