I hope mine doesn't look like that
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize