I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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