so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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