The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
