so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i barfeds in our rink
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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