oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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