Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
