Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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