tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
