Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
