why do cheetos always look like penises
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
