My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize