Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize