I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
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