I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
