She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize