Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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