Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize