So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
