I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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