this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize