took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
