Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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