dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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