I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
