connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
