I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
