I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Porn is love you can see.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
