Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
