She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize