Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
