I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
