So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
