she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
