I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
