I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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