Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
we made out on top of his cat.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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