Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
