we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
