He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
