You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
