I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize