So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
