i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Houston, we have a blender
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Still dying that you shit outside
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
