I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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